Grovers Mill is a community that was initially made famous in Orson Welles’ 1938 radio broadcast of The War of the Worlds, where it was depicted as the epicenter of a Martian invasion, on October 30 of that year. There have been numerous references in fiction, including The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension, the Wild Cards book series, and a town called Miller’s Grove in The X-Files episode “War of the Coprophages”. In issue 11 of DC Comics’ The Shadow Strikes (1989), The Shadow teams up with a radio announcer named Grover Mills, a character based on the young Orson Welles, who has been impersonating The Shadow on the radio. Welles played the Shadow on radio prior to the War of the Worlds broadcast. An episode of the War of the Worlds TV series takes place in Grover’s Mill on the 50th anniversary of the Welles radio drama, and expands on the town’s ties to the infamous broadcast. (Wikipedia 2018). Grover’s Mill Podcast is a podcast put together by a team of passionate people from all around the world. It has been two years in the making and is meant to be a form of entertainment. It has taken the spirit of the great works before it. It is a fictional podcast, that is shared with you as a satire and parody. The Podcast references familiar people, places, locations, pop-culture, historical points of interest and social settings to give context to the story for the purpose of conveying its satirical nature. The events, conversations and occurrences depicted in the Podcast were conceived by the Producers of the Podcast, and as far as the Producers are aware, they did not actually occur. Additionally, we have used some real-life personalities. However, the characteristics, qualities and actions that we have applied to those people are not meant to be real, and were conceived for the sole purpose of conveying and giving life to the Grover’s Mill story. To the extent permissible, in no event shall the Producers be liable for any damage, loss, harm, cost, disruption or confusion that arises as a result of listening to or engaging with the Grover’s Mill Podcast.
*Note to reader. This is a fictional satirical podcast designed with parody for comedic purposes only-see our disclaimer on the website for more information.
JL: I think our society’s run by insane people, for insane objectives, and I think that’s what I sussed when I was 16 and 12, way down the line. I expressed it differently all through me life, but now I can put it into that sentence that I think we’re being run by maniacs for maniacal ends.
JL: If anybody can put on paper what our government and the American government, et cetera, and the Russian, China, what they are actually trying to do, and how and what they think they’re doing, I’d be very pleased to know what they think they’re doing. I think they’re all insane. But I’m liable to be put away as insane for expressing that.
Other: The real world is so insane, I think the fantasy world becomes something much better.
Speaker 3: All flight controllers, gonna go for landing. Retro?
Speaker 3: Fido?
Speaker 3: Guidance?
Speaker 3: Control?
Speaker 3: Telcon?
Speaker 3: [G and C inaudible 00:00:54]?
G and C: Go!
Speaker 3: [inaudible 00:00:55]?
Speaker 10: Go!
Speaker 3: [Surgeon 00:00:57]?
Speaker 3: CAPCOM, we’re go for landing.
CAPCOM: Okay, engines stop.
Speaker 3: We got to get down Eagle.
CAPCOM: Houston [inaudible 00:01:08] base here. The Eagle has landed.
Willkie Poe: So we’ve come to the end. And I need to tell you something. I’ve had emails from many listeners and subscribers from all around the world asking me for my personal take on the moon landing conspiracy. As you can appreciate it’s been a rough few months, I’m bloody exhausted and to be honest with you, I’m as confused as you are.
Willkie Poe: It seems for every piece of theoretical evidence that it was a hoax, there’s a valid scientific argument to refute it. And what about laser reflectors? And moon mirrors, I dunno? But I will say this, whatever actually happened there’s still no denying those astronauts risked their lives, strapping themselves to those rockets and going as far as they had to for their mission to succeed. They were soldiers after all, drawn from the Air Force and the Navy, operating in a chain of command attempting to project technological superiority over the Soviet Union during the Cold War.
Willkie Poe: So if they had to fake it in order to beat the Russians, so to speak, then they did it without firing a shot. And in doing so, probably avoided a bloody war, and maybe even nuclear Armageddon. So in my book, those men deserve respect. And that’s the last you’ll be hearing from me on the subject.
Willkie Poe: But just when you thought you were out, they pull you back in.
Willkie Poe: Hello? Willkie Poe?
Elmire: Yeah, Willkie! [French 00:03:12]
Willkie Poe: [Elmire 00:03:13]! Quel surprise.
Elmire: Yeah man, I’m just calling to say big thank you for keeping the moon landing’s conspiracy alive!
Willkie Poe: Well, thank you Elmire, but I’m not so sure that I really –
Elmire: [French 00:03:24] Don’t tell me you believe they did go to the moon?
Willkie Poe: Well, you know …
Elmire: After all we’ve been through! What did they get to you, oh my god Willkie! This is the Foie Gras riots of ’74 all over again!
Willkie Poe: Look, I just think there’s more to it. Even thought there’s convincing evidence, who knows in this day and age.
Elmire: Willkie, let me tell you. Let me present to you something. There is a video of that asshole Nixon on a fucking [callphone 00:03:48] talking to Neil Armstrong on the moon.
Willkie Poe: Yeah, I’ve-
Elmire: Watch the video on the YouTube.
Willkie Poe: I’ve seen it-
Elmire: Are you telling me that they know what frequencies were in fucking space to transmit the signal to Earth? I’m mean this is fucking crazy! You might as well be talking into a croissant! Âllo? Âllo? Croissant? [French 00:04:02]
Willkie Poe: Elmire, I’ve seen the video, and you know what I think-
Elmire: What is wrong Willkie? Stay brave! Put your heart into it! Look at the video, at two minutes and nineteen seconds Nixon is begging, hoping, that he doesn’t get found out. He’s acting into the phone when Neil is in the next room, talking into a tin of sardines! It’s outrageous!
Elmire: No one tests if you can make a call from space, and then voilà! We can make a call from space the first time! What the fuck! Bullshit! The lie is bigger than my dick! Really. Maybe in July the truth will come out but, I don’t think so, I doubt it. So, [French 00:04:40], I am moving on.
Willkie Poe: What? You’re moving on?
Elmire: Yeah, to the UK. Have you seen? Have you ever laid your eyes, Willkie, on a crop circle?
Willkie Poe: Well, yes, but you’re not going to crop circles are you?
Elmire: Of course! They are the secret codes from alien life! I am moving to England to study this ancient form of communication.
Willkie Poe: Right. Okay.
Elmire: You will come and visit me, yes?
Willkie Poe: Yeah.
Elmire: We have to get the messages out. New forms of power, are literally in the fucking grass! Yeah, sure some are fake, but they are running to put up the real ones. Look at the real ones, impossible for humans to make. No footprints. No tracks. Nothing! This is fucking huge! So I see you soon, okay?
Willkie Poe: Yeah, I’ll see you soon, absolutely Elmire.
Elmire: Good, I will go now and look how plants can talk. Salût!
Willkie Poe: Au revoir.
Willkie Poe: So that was Elmire. And then a couple of days later, I got a call from Mary.
Willkie Poe: Yeah.
Mary: You there mate?
Willkie Poe: Yeah, I’m alri-I just dropped me phone Mary.
Mary: Oh! Right, I thought I lost ya.
Willkie Poe: No, no. So how’s Sherlock going?
Mary: Yeah, he’s good. We are flat [inaudible 00:05:44]he’s in Minnesota in a big house out here, you know, missing person? [inaudible 00:05:48]Sherlock was doing a round, and he starts sneezing like crazy at this cupboard, and I think “Here we go. We’ve got something.”, and then they open the cupboard and a body falls out.
Willkie Poe: Bloody hell, really?
Mary: Yeah. But! It was a Real Doll.
Willkie Poe: A Real Doll?
Mary: Yeah, you know those latex fantasy sex dolls Japanese men marry in order to lower the birth rate, god knows how you’d clean them. Anyway, Sherlock finds a Real Doll. It is disgusting. Then, he wants to hump it, of course!
Willkie Poe: Right, so …
Mary: Sorry, anyway. I just wanted to call say thanks for all your help putting cadaver dogs in a good light, ’cause I’ve been listening to the podcast, it’s a pretty bloody good effort, if you ask me!
Willkie Poe: Thanks.
Mary: Calls for a drink, I reckon!
Willkie Poe: Well, we did have our stressful moments.
Mary: Oh yeah, look don’t worry about the haters. Mate, you are doing a good thing here, and they’ll see it one day, alright?
Willkie Poe: No haters yet.
Mary: Anyway, Sherlock’s on the stretcher with the doll so I don’t want to cause a scene, better sort that out.
Willkie Poe: Alright then, bye then. See you later.
Mary: See you mate.
Willkie Poe: So after that, I shut myself off from the world to watch the tennis. But then more calls kept coming. Calls about Grovers Mill. Calls about the moon landings. Calls about late payments of council tax, about everything really. And no, I’m not taken, I’m single. But then, I received a call that managed to drag me away from the telly.
Willkie Poe: Hello? Willkie Poe.
Pablo: Hello, is this Willkie Poe?
Willkie Poe: Yes, it is.
Pablo: I have been listening to your podcast.
Willkie Poe: Oh yeah?
Pablo: I think it’s great by the way.
Willkie Poe: Oh. Thank you.
Pablo: I have a thing I think you would be interested in.
Willkie Poe: Interested in what way?
Pablo: To investigate.
Willkie Poe: Okay. Sorry, let me stop you right there. I don’t do these kind of things. Grovers Mill was just a one-off, and it’s created a lot of issues for me.
Pablo: Well I still want to know how it all ends, the Grovers Mill that is.
Willkie Poe: Yeah, we all do! Who am I speaking with by the way?
Pablo: My name’s Pablo.
Willkie Poe: Okay, Pablo look, I’m not taking on any more investigations. And I can’t speak anymore about Grovers Mill, okay? I’m sorry.
Pablo: I understand and I really appreciate your time, but can I just quickly tell you about it and then maybe you could recommend someone.
Willkie Poe: I really can’t Pablo, I’m so sorry.
Pablo: Wait, wait! Please. Mr. Poe. I’m too scared to go anywhere else.
Willkie Poe: Scared? Why would you be scared?
Pablo: It’s a dangerous thing I need to tell you about. Someone has already been killed.
Willkie Poe: Have you gone to the police?
Pablo: No, I can’t do that.
Willkie Poe: Why is that?
Pablo: A lot of people are involved. And it’s complicated.
Willkie Poe: Well, I definitely can’t take part in this.
Pablo: Mr. Poe., Mr. Poe, please, don’t hang up. This thing could threaten everyone, even your daughter.
Willkie Poe: My daughter? What do you know about my daughter? Is this a threat?
Pablo: No, no, I worked with Michelle. I know her. But she could be in danger too.
Willkie Poe: Okay. You have two minutes.
Pablo: Okay. I am a research scientist studying the genome. I do bioinformatics, which study genes, as does Michelle. And I work for this small, private lab on Easter Island.
Willkie Poe: Easter Island? Michelle doesn’t work on Easter Island.
Pablo: No, no. Michelle works for our lab in London. There are a number of reasons for our base on Easter Island, but the biggest one is that it is isolated.
Willkie Poe: Right. I’m not sure I follow.
Pablo: So [inaudible 00:08:50] was working on a certain project looking at the micro RNA in worms and how they compare to humans. But as my research went on, they were asking the teams to do all sorts of weird stuff in the dish to see if it changed the gene expression.
Willkie Poe: Right. Two things. Who are “they”, and what “stuff” are you talking about?
Pablo: Are you recording this conversation?
Willkie Poe: Of course.
Pablo: Then I cannot tell you who they are. But I can tell you what we were doing.
Willkie Poe: Okay.
Pablo: Some of the other guys were creating a virus that could only work in humans, and it would instigate a bad, bad flu. And then the other team and I were working on a vaccine to stop the virus.
Willkie Poe: Right.
Pablo: So essentially, we were inventing a virus and a cure. And the plan, was to release it when tourists came, and then blame it on a mutation.
Willkie Poe: What?
Pablo: And the thing is, this virus mutated and replicated at rates we’d never seen before. I know it sounds like a cuckoo thing. Like, a Brad Pitt movie, but it’s not.
Willkie Poe: So, hang on. You’re saying someone has invented a virus, and is then going to sell the vaccine?
Pablo: Correct. But the thing is, the mutation. It’s like AI. The virus now can mutate to any vaccine. And it is unstoppable. It will kill millions.
Willkie Poe: Oh my god.
Pablo: And I’m worried some of it may have been shipped to the lab in London. [Spanish 00:10:07] Señor Poe.
Willkie Poe: Where are you now? How soon can you meet me in London?
Announcer: [inaudible 00:10:27] A slight atmospheric disturbance of undetermined origin is reported over Nova Scotia, causing a low pressure area to move down rather rapidly over the northeastern States, bringing a forecast of rain accompanied by winds of light gale force. Maximum temperature 66, minimum 48. This weather report comes to you from the Government Weather Bureau.
Announcer: We take you now to the Meridian Room in the Hotel Park Plaza in downtown New York, where you will be entertained by the music of [Raymon Riquello 00:10:54] and his orchestra. It is 8:00 PM, Sunday October 30th, 1938.
Willkie Poe: Grovers Mill was written and produced by [Matt Cohen Gold 00:11:24] and [Rupert Degas 00:11:25]. Our cast of characters was performed by Rupert Degas and [Amy Horn 00:11:30]. Music and sound design was by [Matt Slayton 00:11:34]. With special thanks to [Meghan Tate 00:11:37], [Mark Gluehack 00:11:37], [Barry Stewart 00:11:40], [Marcus Beer 00:11:40], [Steven Bootertill 00:11:41], [Zansen Pierre 00:11:42], and [Anya Delgoniva 00:11:44].
Willkie Poe: This has been a Grovers Mill production. Copyright, 2018.
Willkie Poe: Grovers Mill is a fictional podcast, that is shared with you as a satire and parody. It depicts entirely fictitious situations that are products of the writers’ imaginations. The podcast references familiar places and events, and whilst we also use some real-life personalities, the characteristics, qualities, and actions that we’ve applied to those people are not intended to be real.
Willkie Poe: We also do not suggest any association with, or sponsorship by, any person or entity. All other names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons, living or deceased, places, buildings and products is intended, or should be inferred.
Willkie Poe: For further information on Grovers Mill and its use in satire, parody, and fiction, please read the disclaimer on our website, groversmillpodcast.com.