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A note on Grover’s Mill

Grovers Mill is a community that was initially made famous in Orson Welles’ 1938 radio broadcast of The War of the Worlds, where it was depicted as the epicenter of a Martian invasion, on October 30 of that year. There have been numerous references in fiction, including The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension, the Wild Cards book series, and a town called Miller’s Grove in The X-Files episode “War of the Coprophages”. In issue 11 of DC Comics’ The Shadow Strikes (1989), The Shadow teams up with a radio announcer named Grover Mills, a character based on the young Orson Welles, who has been impersonating The Shadow on the radio. Welles played the Shadow on radio prior to the War of the Worlds broadcast. An episode of the War of the Worlds TV series takes place in Grover’s Mill on the 50th anniversary of the Welles radio drama, and expands on the town’s ties to the infamous broadcast. (Wikipedia 2018). Grover’s Mill Podcast is a podcast put together by a team of passionate people from all around the world. It has been two years in the making and is meant to be a form of entertainment. It has taken the spirit of the great works before it. It is a fictional podcast, that is shared with you as a satire and parody. The Podcast references familiar people, places, locations, pop-culture, historical points of interest and social settings to give context to the story for the purpose of conveying its satirical nature. The events, conversations and occurrences depicted in the Podcast were conceived by the Producers of the Podcast, and as far as the Producers are aware, they did not actually occur. Additionally, we have used some real-life personalities. However, the characteristics, qualities and actions that we have applied to those people are not meant to be real, and were conceived for the sole purpose of conveying and giving life to the Grover’s Mill story. To the extent permissible, in no event shall the Producers be liable for any damage, loss, harm, cost, disruption or confusion that arises as a result of listening to or engaging with the Grover’s Mill Podcast.

Episode 3 Transcription-Drugs, Porn and Cadaver dogs

*Note to reader. This is a fictional satirical podcast designed with parody for comedic purposes only-see our disclaimer on the website for more information.

Speaker:                                   Hi just a quick warning that the following episodes contains adult content and themes that some people may find offensive. Listener discretion is advised.

Wilke Poe:                              Previously on Grovers Mill.

Wilke Poe:                              When I touch something that holds energy or resonance from that person, I get signals.

Brian:                                         Really?

Wilke Poe:                              Well, yeah, that’s what I do. It just happens.

Speaker 1:                               And you know we’re not supposed to be there. Them lights go on. Then we hear something open the door, and I’m freaking out and Travis grabs me and we head upstairs.

Speaker 1:                               Anyways, on the way out, we see these paintings in the hallway and Travis says that owner says he can have them and they’d be worth coin, know what I’m saying?

Speaker 3:                               Oh, we put a trace on it, yes, and the last known place had gotten signals from was… Oh. Okay. [inaudible 00:00:42] is somewhere in [inaudible 00:00:45] words between two [inaudible 00:00:46].

Speaker 4:                               It’s not safe here! You must find the apple orchard! The recording is fake! Don’t follow the recording! Follow the apples!

Flight Control:                     Okay, all flight controllers, gonna go for landing. Retro.

Lina:                                           Go!

Flight Control:                     Lina.

Lina:                                           Go!

Flight Control:                     Knights.

Knights:                                    Go!

Flight Control:                     Control.

Control:                                   Go!

Flight Control:                     Delcon.

Delcon:                                     Go!

Flight Control:                     GNC.

GNC:                                           Go!

Flight Control:                     Econ.

Econ:                                          Go!

Flight Control:                     Surgeon.

Surgeon:                                  Go!

Flight Control:                     Capcom, we’re a go for landing!

Capcom:                                  Okay, engines stop.

Speaker 5:                               We’ve got to get down, Eagle.

Capcom:                                  [inaudible 00:01:21] The Eagle has landed.

Wilke Poe:                              Over the past few weeks, I’ve been trying to put together some kind of logical flow for this case. It’s kind of a mess. We’ve had real leads and false leads. Claims of weird guys from the government, not to mention the whole Orson Wells thing. And of course there’s a likelihood that Rodney may’ve just left of his own accord. Which means this whole thing is pointless.

Wilke Poe:                              Everything that the police have done is by the book. And usually by now, I’ve had a clear signal of where Rodney is and where to look. But, for some reason, with this one, the energy’s blocked. Sometimes that means the person has died. But if so, I’d usually get a signal about where the deceased is. A clue of some sort. But, again, with Rodney, there’s not much at all apart from the channeling we have in his house.

Wilke Poe:                              To me, that says he’s still alive. So, there are possibly three theories that we can look at. First off, there’s the question of whether Rodney has just skipped town. He had a few debts, nothing significant, but maybe he just wanted a break, wanted to become someone else, hide out. It’s been known to happen, but if so, why leave everything so unfinished and messy? And where would he have gone?

Wilke Poe:                              Police reports said none of his credit cards or bank accounts have been used, and his passport’s not been scanned. No sightings have been made, and there’s been no contact with any family members. So, this theory is perhaps the weakest in my mind, but the strongest for the police.

Wilke Poe:                              Second theory is that Rodney’s messed up in something serious. Brian received some more information from Benji, who got news from one of his police buddies, that the day Rodney disappeared, his neighbor saw two men hanging around outside Rodney’s house.

Wilke Poe:                              They were in a black SUV, and when the neighbor asked what they were doing, they just flashed some badges at him and told him to keep quiet.

Wilke Poe:                              Now, this correlates with Smart Dog’s story and Benji’s story. Plus, we have the whole Terhune Orchards location and his mobile’s last pings from somewhere around there.

Wilke Poe:                              The questions then are, why was he taken, and where is he now?

Wilke Poe:                              The third theory, which is a new one, is that Rodney was tied up with a local drug dealer named Mac B. Over the past few days, there have been a few rumors going around that Rodney owed him money. This seems unlikely, as Brian tells me Rodney never did drugs and could’ve just sold some paintings at the house if he was desperate for cash. So, it doesn’t quite stack up.

Wilke Poe:                              Brian and I decided to look into it anyway. So, the two main focuses for us now are Mac B the dealer, and the Terhune Orchards to see if there’s anything we could find there. I put a call in to Smart Dog to see if he could help.

Smart Dog:                             Hello?

Wilke Poe:                              Hello, Travis? Yes, Wilke Poe here.

Smart Dog:                             Yup.

Wilke Poe:                              Look. Erm… I know this is gonna seem a little strange, but we’re trying to get in touch with someone called Mac B. Do-Do you know him?

Smart Dog:                             [click]

Wilke Poe:                              Travis hangs up on me. A few minutes later, he sends me a text on WhatsApp telling me to call the number then to delete the text. I call it straightaway.

Speaker 6:                               Whatchu want?

Wilke Poe:                              Oh, hi, erm…I’m after someone called Mac B.

Speaker 6:                               Why you after Mac B?

Wilke Poe:                              Erm… I’m looking into the disappearance of a guy called Rodney Melog who’s gone missing and we heard that Mac B might know something?

Speaker 6:                               [click]

Wilke Poe:                              He, too, hangs up on me. I tried calling back, but it just rings out. Now, I’m not really sure how to get a meeting with a drug dealer, I mean I don’t even know if he is a drug dealer, so I’m kind of stumped.

Wilke Poe:                              I decide to send a text to the number saying, “All we want to do is talk, and we’ll pay a couple of hundred dollars for his time.” I hope that’s enough to convince him.

Wilke Poe:                              A couple of hours later, we get a text from a private number telling us to meet behind Midland Cookies in Princeton. Apprehensive but determined, Brian and I drive over.

Wilke Poe:                              So, here we are, standing outside the back of the cookie shop and we’re just waiting. No one seems to be here, it’s now 4:13p.m. I’ve hidden some microphones in my backpack, and I told Brian to turn on his iPhone record function.

Brian:                                         Hey, Wilke, over here!

Wilke Poe:                              We notice the door in the adjacent warehouse is open and someone is ushering us to come over. We cautiously approach and get led down some stairs into a small, windowless room in the basement. A heavyset man in a hoodie talks to us.

Chopper:                                 Yeah, take a seat, Mac B comin’ in soon. If you got phones, though, I gotta hold ’em.

Wilke Poe:                              We hand over our phones, and I could feel my heart beating faster. The big guy leaves them on a table to one side. He offers us a toke of a spliff.

Chopper:                                 Smoke?

Wilke Poe:                              We decline, which seems to make him suspicious.

Chopper:                                 What y’all bitches want, man, you look like 5-0 to me!

Brian:                                         We just want to talk to Mac B, that’s all. We’re not the police.

Chopper:                                 Man, that’s exactly what the police say! They be over at my cousin’s house the other night and one of them looks like you! You want some trick shit? Don’t even try nothin’. I bought these sock cams offa Amazon, man. You see this shit? Man, I got two cameras here right on my socks, so you be tryin’ somethin’, I’m pullin’ out the burner!

Wilke Poe:                              No, no, no, look, look, look, we just wanna ask Mac B some questions, then we’ll leave.

Wilke Poe:                              At that moment, Mac B walks into the room.

Mac B:                                       Hey, Chopper! How those cameras gon’ catch anything when you be wearing those flare jeans? Brother gotta roll those things up!

Chopper:                                 I ain’t rollin’ anything up, Mac B, I be wearin’ shorts this summer, man, sock cams 24/7!

Wilke Poe:                              Mac B has a goatee and over his tied back dreads wears a beanie with the word “Polo” on it. He wears a hoodie and baggy jeans and on his feet, he wears bright red Nike Air Maxes.

Mac B:                                       So, who these guys?

Chopper:                                 Some dudes, man, they wanna talk to you.

Mac B:                                       Wanna talk to me?

Chopper:                                 Yeah. They smell funny, though, but I got my sock cams on, Mac B, don’t you worry!

Mac B:                                       Man. You one crazy homie, Chopper!

Brian:                                         We wanted to ask you about my brother, Rodney Melog.

Mac B:                                       You know where I just be? Do you?

Brian:                                         No. No, not at all.

Mac B:                                       I just been to see a fortune teller, three of them in fact, for the motherland.

Brian:                                         Okay…

Mac B:                                       You know what they told me, boy?

Chopper:                                 Tell ‘im, Mac! Tell ‘im!

Mac B:                                       They told me I was gonna rule all of New Jersey and all of New York and one day all of these coasts here–

Chopper:                                 Word! That’s what I’m talkin’ about!

Mac B:                                       You know my bitch back home, she want me to do it. Go be the king of this shit, but I don’t want to get my head shot off, know what I mean? I like it down here. So, what would you do?

Brian:                                         I’m not sure.

Mac B:                                       [laughs]

Brian:                                         Is business good?

Mac B:                                       It’s not bad, man.

Brian:                                         Well, why not keep it here and optimize it?

Mac B:                                       Hell yeah! Little optimization! Now, who are you again?

Brian:                                         Brian, but I’m really here hoping you might know my brother?

Wilke Poe:                              Yeah, he’s a hairdresser, works down the road?

Mac B:                                       Oh, yeah?

Chopper:                                 He’s a faggot, man!

Mac B:                                       The one with the wonky eye and got that funky smell? You guys related?

Chopper:                                 [inaudible 00:09:08] or something, I dunno…

Brian:                                         Oh, no, no, no, no, that’s the other hairdresser. Benji.

Chopper:                                 Benji?

Brian:                                         My brother’s name is Rodney.

Wilke Poe:                              Rodney.

Brian:                                         Rodney.

Chopper:                                 So, it ain’t that faggot?

Brian:                                         No. Rodney is quite straight. Blond hair. Tall-ish.

Mac B:                                       Yeah, I know who that is. Yeah, man, smart kid. But you, mister, what you say your name was?

Wilke Poe:                              Me? Wilke Poe. Yes, I’m looking for Rodney, too.

Mac B:                                       Wilke Poe… Yeah, you the dude who SMSed me. I Googled you, man, I don’t meet no one I don’t know.

Wilke Poe:                              Erm…

Mac B:                                       Come here! Stroke my arm!

Wilke Poe:                              Mac B removes a shiny chrome Glock from his pants.

Mac B:                                       Stroke it. You gettin’ a grand mal from that? You gettin’ a sick?

Wilke Poe:                              [stammers] I-I-I don’t know–

Mac B:                                       Shh! Stroke me slow, man. I don’t give a shit, man. I’m gonna pull out my penis, it gonna be cool, man [inaudible 00:10:01].

Wilke Poe:                              He pulls his cock out. Literally.

Mac B:                                       I’m gonna put two grams on Jeremiah here, and if you sniff it off, I’m gonna tell you something about your bro.

Wilke Poe:                              I don’t think we can do that.

Mac B:                                       [Laughs] Oh, no?

Brian:                                         I mean, I could try, but I have sinusitis and a deviated septum, so…

Mac B:                                       You gotta do it, bro. For your bro.

Wilke Poe:                              Look, Mac, this is crazy, if you could just tell us anything about Rodney, I’ll give you $200 already, I just would–

Mac B:                                       That be an entry fee, my friend! Okay, tell you what we gonna do. Chopper, get that man that laptop there. So, I got my laptop here, and you got yours there, and now we’re going to play Porn Snap. I’m going to search for a click, and if you pick the same click, you win, for real, bro.

Chopper:                                 [laughing] Oh, man!

Brian:                                         Come on, man. We’ll never be able to do that!

Mac B:                                       You man a psychic there, bro, he got them super powers. Ain’t that whatchu brought him here for?

Brian:                                         Oh, my God, okay.

Wilke Poe:                              Alright, we’ll do it.

Wilke Poe:                              So, I am about to play my first-ever game of Porn Snap, sitting in a crack den, in an abandoned building, next to a wholesome cookie shop in Grovers Mill.

Mac B:                                       So, I’m logging on now, man, I’m searching. Oh, yeah, baby, I got one! Yeah! This is very interesting subject matter, I must say.

Wilke Poe:                              Now, this is going to sound super far out for a lot of you, but this is what happened: I closed my eyes and tried to get a signal or connection. I tried to feel the room, the energy, and then something fuzzy comes to me. I see a squirrel at first, or maybe it’s a possum with a mustache and shaved lower limb near the genitals. Then I get a vision of a dark blue suit, and then a trampoline.

Wilke Poe:                              So, I type, “Bouncing Banker Fox Possum on Trampoline” and turn it to face Mac B.

Mac B:                                       What the fuck, man!

Chopper:                                 What?!

Mac B:                                       This is some whacked out shit! Look at my laptop, man! Greedy possums in suits do it on the trampoline!

Chopper:                                 Get the fuck outta here- (this is where the audio cuts off)

PART 1 OF 3 ENDS [00:12:04]

Mac B:                                       Man greeted possums ensues do it on a trampoline.

Speaker 7:                               Get the fuck out of here man.

Mac B:                                       Well, I’d be damned. This the first time we got to snatch.

Speaker 7:                               Shit.

Mac B:                                       You see that chopper? Oh man okay. You got your info. What you want to know brother?

Brian:                                         Just what the deal was.

Mac B:                                       Deal was simple man. He don’t do class one know what I’m saying? But I’ll get the blues and the green.

Wilke Poe:                              Well, blues and greens?

Mac B:                                       Viagra and Xanax man, what goes up must come down.

Brian:                                         Okay so he bought those from you?

Mac B:                                       Hell yes. Every week like clockwork man.

Wilke Poe:                              That’s it. Did he owe you any money?

Mac B:                                       Don’t think so. Chopper give him my ledger. Business man’s got to keep a ledger.

Wilke Poe:                              Chopper brings over a large book with hundred in entries.

Mac B:                                       Rodney, okay, paid, paid. No, look like your bro up to date. Why are you asking?

Brian:                                         We heard that he might owe you money.

Mac B:                                       Man. You would know if your brother owed me money. You hear me? You all keep fine, we cool. You say he missing?

Wilke Poe:                              Yes, for a month now.

Mac B:                                       He not just skip town know what I’m saying?

Wilke Poe:                              I don’t.

Mac B:                                       Get catfished or something.

Wilke Poe:                              No.

Brian:                                         No, we’re pretty sure not.

Mac B:                                       I’m not sure man. I mean we all sweet economically speaking but what I say gentlemen is that we got these two new customers around the same time your boy when missing. Two shady tab dudes from out of town. After some K, step haircuts man.

Wilke Poe:                              K? What’s K?

Brian:                                         Ketamine, it’s a horse drug.

Mac B:                                       Yes, but they want a lot of it. Could kill a guy, but I don’t want ask no questions. Kashmir got to bring in people so anyways I only see them at once and they’re gone. They rare order that much.

Brian:                                         What did these two look like?

Mac B:                                       Man, I ain’t no facial recognition app. I don’t know, just like to suit up creeps.

Wilke Poe:                              All right, so these two characters keep popping up and Brian and I know it’s too much of a coincidence to not be something significant. The issue is, how do we find out who they are? We head back to the hotel and make a few calls to some contacts I have. One of those calls is to a colleague who can access surveillance videos and security cameras. That call comes back empty.

Wilke Poe:                              The other call is to a woman by the name of Mary Cruikshank, who trains cadaver dogs. Mary and I go way back to university days in London when we were flat sharing and L’s court, and she happens to be in upstate New York working on a case.

Wilke Poe:                              “Basically I was wondering if you’d like to come down to Grover’s mill with Sherlock to see if you can find anything.”

Mary:                                         Have you found any blood, or do you have a possible crime scene?

Wilke Poe:                              Blood, yes. Just tiny traces in the home. We could go there, but we got a tip that something might have happened in some orchards down here. It seems a little counterintuitive and I’ve just got this feeling.

Mary:                                         Yes, we could drive down tomorrow morning. Then we’d need a day or two depending on how much ground you want to cover.

Wilke Poe:                              That’s just it. We don’t know. I got that Sherlock’s particularly accurate.

Mary:                                         Oh yes, he’s one of the best I’ve ever trained. I’ll tell you if there’s body anyway Sherlock could find it.

Wilke Poe:                              Right.

Mary:                                         I got to tell you, his tell’s a little bit different from other dogs.

Wilke Poe:                              He’s tell? What’s up …

Mary:                                         Yes, when he gets a [inaudible 00:15:15] scent he … I don’t how to say this. He gets horny as hell and needs to hump something.

Wilke Poe:                              Really? Right.

Mary:                                         Yes. Usually I just bring down a dog toy doll thing, but sometimes that won’t do and he wants fresh meat so it could be your leg. He’ll just start humping away, but when he does that, it will be gross but we’ll know he’s got a dead one. So to speak.

Wilke Poe:                              Well, as long as it helps, I guess.

Mary:                                         Yes, a little [inaudible 00:15:42] you are, aren’t you mate?

Wilke Poe:                              Well, let’s say we meet with the orchards around 9.00 a.m. If that’s okay. I’ll pin you the address.

Mary:                                         Right. Okay, see you then mate. Bye.

Wilke Poe:                              Shortly after my call with Mary, I get a call from Benji, who spoken to his mate at the department about the report on the blood found in Rodney’s house. I’ll go to our conversation so you can hear it from Benji.

Benji:                                         My buddy down there got hold of the forensic report on the blood and Wilkie it’s not Rodney’s.

Wilke Poe:                              It’s not Rodney’s. Well, it’s definitely not Rodney’s.

Benji:                                         No sir. It ain’t human, and it ain’t animal either.

Wilke Poe:                              What?

Benji:                                         In fact they kind of don’t know what it is. It has elements of human blood but it ain’t anything they’ve seen before. Get this Wilkie, some guys downtown took copies of the report.

Wilke Poe:                              Don’t suppose these were men in black kind of guys, were they?

Benji:                                         You’re right, damn right they weren’t government official types.

Wilke Poe:                              All right.

Benji:                                         Guess what? One of them had a [inaudible 00:16:38].

Wilke Poe:                              Okay, so if it’s not animal human, well, is it blood at all?

Benji:                                         Well, that’s beyond my scope Wilkie.

Wilke Poe:                              Okay.

Benji:                                         I’m just bashing on the information. Look it would seem to me like this whole thing is alien in it’s structure. [inaudible 00:16:52] said that we are born into a world where alienation awaits us. Maybe we’re on the sets, it’s just a thought.

Wilke Poe:                              Yes. Well, thanks for that Benji. On the information.

Benji:                                         No problem. Speak soon Wilkie. Cheers mate.

Wilke Poe:                              Well, there we have it. My mind is all over the place. I hit the sack early, and think about tomorrow’s adventure at the orchards. Brian, Miranda and Benji all call me asking for an update. I tell them everything we know, and that we’re heading to the orchards at 9.00 a.m.

Wilke Poe:                              The [inaudible 00:17:27] in orchards cover a wide block of land with apple trees in uniform rows. With a man made palm to one side and thick, dense woodland at the back. I have my audio gear already set up and Brian has brought some shovels. Mary soon arrives with Sherlock.

Mary:                                         Sherlock, come here. I’ve never seen Sherlock at a signal like that. He’s fucking the shit out of that doll. Good boy Sherlock, bloody good work little mate. Sherlock, yes, good boy.

Wilke Poe:                              Sherlock then bounce over to Miranda and starts humping her leg.

Miranda:                                  Get off.

Mary:                                         Come on mate, down.

Miranda:                                  Get the dog off me.

Mary:                                         Sherlock no.

Miranda:                                  Look at this [inaudible 00:18:05] get it off.

Mary:                                         Sherlock stop it now.

Wilke Poe:                              It’s all right Miranda.

Miranda:                                  [inaudible 00:18:09] get it off.

Wilke Poe:                              It’s all right.

Mary:                                         Sherlock stop.

Miranda:                                  Wilkie.

Mary:                                         I’m so sorry.

Miranda:                                  Get him off.

Mary:                                         Good boy.

Miranda:                                  Get him off my leg.

Mary:                                         I’ve never seen him like this. Good boy mate. Something’s going on. We’ve got a deep heat.

Miranda:                                  Oh yes.

Wilke Poe:                              Really? Isn’t it just kind of weird reaction?

Mary:                                         It is a reaction, this is it Wilkie. Let’s dig.

Wilke Poe:                              “All right.” We all start digging around this one particular apple tree. We dig for about half an hour and cover a two meter radius, but find nothing.

Mary:                                         I don’t get it. Signaling strong. Unless he picked up something down wind.

Wilke Poe:                              South, right?

Mary:                                         South, yes. What’s over there?

Wilke Poe:                              Dense woodland leading into the ship at silken woods. We know Rodney’s last signal was around here, but those woods will take us weeks to search.

Mary:                                         Let’s take Sherlock down to the edge and see if anything happens.

Wilke Poe:                              We take Sherlock down to the edge of the woods and he scurries around but doesn’t find anything. Just then, we hear some footsteps. We freeze as the footsteps get closer and suddenly Benji and Brian appear from the bushes.

Benji:                                         Hey.

Brian:                                         We were just …

Wilke Poe:                              Having a way.

Benji:                                         No, looking in there it was very mystical and they’re lots of things.

Wilke Poe:                              Anything of note?

Benji:                                         No.

Brian:                                         No, I just can’t see why Rodney would come out here, there’s no logic to it.

Benji:                                         It’s bizarre though, apples Rodney never talked about apples.

Wilke Poe:                              We had back to the cars. Miranda is sitting in our old dodge smoking a roll up looking like she’s drifted off into a daydream. She hears us approach and snaps ahead our way.

Miranda:                                  Don’t suppose you found anything down there?

Wilke Poe:                              No, we’ll come back tomorrow and look again. That’s it for today I’m afraid.

Miranda:                                  All right, well, I’ll leave you boys too. I won’t be able to come tomorrow. You call me if you find anything. All right?

Wilke Poe:                              No problem.

Brian:                                         I’m going to head back too. I’ll get a ride with you Miranda if that’s okay, fine.

Miranda:                                  You’re on your own.

Brian:                                         You can take my car. See you back at the hotel.

Wilke Poe:                              “Great.” They all drive off and I rest on the bonnet of Brian’s yellow beetle staring into the orchards wondering if this is just a wild goose chase. A few moments later a police car pulls up next to me and out get Captain Nancy Diemo followed by her ever present lucky Sergeant Ellery.

Nancy:                                       Hi there. Wilkie isn’t it?

Wilke Poe:                              Yes.

Nancy:                                       Just passed a couple of cars on the road out of here, friends of yours?

Wilke Poe:                              Yes.

Nancy:                                       What you doing out here, hunting for apples?

Ellery:                                        Apple investigator.

Nancy:                                       Looking for something fruity?

Ellery:                                        Looking for a serial eater?

Wilke Poe:                              No. He told me the last signal on Rodney’s phone was out here. We wanted to try and see if we could find something.

Nancy:                                       Look, this is a small town Mr. Poe, we’ve had enough crap back in those days with the bullshit war. The world’s and alien conspiracy shit. Now you, and now this. I’m telling you Rodney is just a runaway. An adult runaway. God is probably in Prog right now selling wristbands to tourists. You know the ones?

Ellery:                                        Wristbands.

Nancy:                                       If there was anything sinister or suspicious, I would be the first on it. I promise you.

Wilke Poe:                              Yes, I get that. I’m privately hired by Rodney’s brother to help find Rodney. Even if he is just a runaway. There’s no law against that.

Nancy:                                       No, there’s not. I’m asking you nicely to leave this alone and we will handle it. I don’t want you snooping around the orchard. Okay? Do you know the story about the frog and the scorpion?

Wilke Poe:                              Where it stings the frog anyway?

Nancy:                                       No, the story is the chicken gets across with the frog, but the scorpion drowns because he wants to try eating grain and there’s some intolerance to grain.

Ellery:                                        No. Wait, no, I think it [inaudible 00:21:36] there’s a chicken and there’s a fox and there’s a sack of scorpions and the frog is holding the sack of scorpions.

Nancy:                                       Yes, maybe it’s that, you know that riddle, Mr. Poe?

Wilke Poe:                              No, I think you’re talking about two different riddles.

Ellery:                                        No.

Nancy:                                       No, we know what we’re talking about.

Ellery:                                        Yes.

Wilke Poe:                              No, I think that the moral …

Nancy:                                       The moral is do not cross the river If someone is saying don’t cross it, or you’ll get stung.

Ellery:                                        What?

Nancy:                                       By a scorpion.

Ellery:                                        No, I think it’s leave your chickens behind. As in sacrifice the thing that you love in order to get across and then don’t judge an insect by its reputation, so to speak.

Nancy:                                       I think that the point is really is that sometimes when you think outside the box and takes things into your own hands, you drown in a river that is actually full of rapids. That will suck you into a vortex. That only by doing steroids and having a good swimming background will get you out of it. If at all.

Wilke Poe:                              No, guys, it’s about what’s in your nature. It’s in my nature, to get visions to investigate and to help solve things.

Nancy:                                       Well then, Mr. Poe, okay, so we’ve used the wrong riddle I give you that. What I am saying is do not be a frog because you will get stung.

Ellery:                                        Stung.

Nancy:                                       Does that make sense?

Wilke Poe:                              I think so. You want me to go away.

Nancy:                                       Those are your words, not mine.

Wilke Poe:                              I agree that I’ll pull back on the investigation even though in reality I won’t. I get in the car and drive back to the hotel to tell Brian the story. We go over everything again and again, trying to find something we’ve missed. We decide our best course of action is to try and see if we can trace Rodney’s phone or laptop.

Wilke Poe:                              I had heard of a hacker who specializes in tracing, but that he was very hard to get hold of and charged a fortune and crypto. Brian said he could get a few thousand dollars worth of Bitcoin and we should try our luck. I call Dietrich who says you’ll try to track down this guy who only goes by the name of Captain Thunderbolt.

Wilke Poe:                              For the next two days. Brian and I lie low in the hotel going over the evidence again and again trying to get some signaling going, but it’s all dead energy. It’s like the universe has gone cold. On the third day, Dietrich gets in touch and says he’s lined up an encrypted call for me and Brian with Captain Thunderbolt. We’re told to log on to a proxy server and use appear.in to call at 11.00 p.m.

Thunderbolt:                        Hello, how may I help? Oh my, a call, it’s been so long since I’ve had a call. Talk to me nice, tell me nice things.

Wilke Poe:                              Hello, Captain Thunderbolt. Do we call you that?

Thunderbolt:                        Oh, you can call me what do you want. Call me pal, buddy. All great wonders of world. Call me captain.

Wilke Poe:                              Okay it’s Wilkie Poe here, and I’ve got Rodney’s brother.

PART 2 OF 3 ENDS [00:24:04]

Thunderbolt:                        World, call me captain.

Wilke Poe:                              Okay, it’s Wilkie Poe here and I’ve got Rodney’s brother, Brian, with me.

Brian:                                         Hi there, you were recommended to us by …

Thunderbolt:                        No, shh, don’t say his name, [inaudible 00:24:11] I know, thank you.

Wilke Poe:                              So captain, I’m sure that Dietrich has briefed you a little bit.

Thunderbolt:                        A brief is a brief is a brief is a brief. Why is a brief called a brief when they drag on for so long?

Brian:                                         I guess what we really wanna know is if you can take on this project.

Thunderbolt:                        Well, now that you’ve asked me like that, all polite and all, how can I resist?

Wilke Poe:                              We’d really just like to get this information so that we can find Rodney.

Thunderbolt:                        Oh yeah, I bet you do. Here’s a tune I like to play to get us all in the mood.

Speaker 8:                               All hail to me.

Wilke Poe:                              Is this guy for real?

Speaker 8:                               Tremendous, so beautiful, so great, I love you.

Thunderbolt:                        Shall I stop?

Wilke Poe:                              Yes.

Thunderbolt:                        No? Keep going? Okay, no, alright, [crosstalk 00:24:49] …

Wilke Poe:                              Captain, could we just talk about Rodney, please?

Thunderbolt:                        Oh yes, of course. No, let’s get serious. You’ll have something in 24 hours. Oh, you need to transfer some bitcoin to my wallet tonight, okay? Now, who wants to party like it’s 1984?

Wilke Poe:                              Appreciate you taking this on. I guess you’ve got a lot on, so.

Wilke Poe:                              So that was our call. Brian and I needed a few moments to get over the whirlwind that was the captain, so we decided to get dinner at the hotel, then head to a local bar.

Wilke Poe:                              I’m missing my hometown pub [inaudible 00:25:14], so we decide to go to an old English pub called the Black Swan in Trenton. According to Brian, it’s got a bit of a reputation apparently, but only because it’s run by an eccentric old Englishman named George and his transvestite son, Melody.

Wilke Poe:                              It sounds interesting to me, and I’m gagging for a pint, so we head over.

Mac B:                                       Well, hello gentlemen of somewhat interesting demure.

Melody:                                    Oh by god, they are interesting, aren’t they?

Mac B:                                       What can I do for you?

Melody:                                    Yeah.

Brian:                                         We’re just after some good old fashioned English ale.

Wilke Poe:                              Yep.

Mac B:                                       Why, take a seat.

Wilke Poe:                              Thank you. Do you mind if I record in here? We’re doing a podcast on a missing person.

Mac B:                                       Of course, dear boy.

Wilke Poe:                              Thank you.

Mac B:                                       Your audience might want to hear the voice of an old thespian. I clipped the boards in Stratford, you know?

Brian:                                         Oh, yeah? Really? When was that?

Mac B:                                       Oh, before you were [inaudible 00:26:06] … young stallion.

Wilke Poe:                              Brian and I sit at the bar with our pints, watching father and son running up and down treating the place more like a playhouse than a pub. It’s bizarre but entertaining, and the locals seem to love it.

Wilke Poe:                              I tell Brian that I hope Captain Thunderbolt comes up with something soon, otherwise I’ll have to start thinking about heading back to London. I have other jobs coming in and can’t spend a lot more time on this case.

Wilke Poe:                              Melody overhears our conversation and comes up furtively to Brian.

Melody:                                    Oh, you are mysterious. When did you transition, honey? You look amazing.

Brian:                                         I’m sorry?

Melody:                                    Oh, I see your friend doesn’t know? Don’t worry, honey, your secret is safe with me. So your brother is missing, right?

Brian:                                         Yes, how did you …?

Melody:                                    It sends shivers down my spine.

Brian:                                         We’re all missing him.

Melody:                                    You know, he came in here.

Wilke Poe:                              Really?

Brian:                                         Really?

Melody:                                    Oh, it sends shivers. He used to sit over there on his laptop.

Brian:                                         Did you ever notice anything?

Melody:                                    Oh, honey, I did, I did.

Wilke Poe:                              Can you tell us?

Melody:                                    Oh, honey, I can, I can.

Brian:                                         Okay …

Melody:                                    Well, I noticed …

Wilke Poe:                              Yes?

Melody:                                    Oh, it’s so dangerous. I saw some photographs.

Brian:                                         Yeah, go on.

Melody:                                    They were of people, weird people, honey, odd people.

Wilke Poe:                              What kind of people?

Melody:                                    Well, the kind of people that you wanna know but you don’t wanna know about, you know? They were odd, oh, so, I asked the young man about them, and he said that it was a discovery. Oh my god, shivers.

Brian:                                         A discovery of what?

Wilke Poe:                              By now George has made his way over to us.

Mac B:                                       That, we do not know.

Wilke Poe:                              Well, we’re trying to find him.

Mac B:                                       And find him you will, I am sure. But today that is all the impartment we have for you. Now, would you like another ale?

Brian:                                         Yes, please, but can you tell us …?

Mac B:                                       No more. Only ale, my friend, please.

Wilke Poe:                              The story only made us more determined to find the laptop. At about 11:00 pm, I get an email from an unknown address. It’s from Captain Thunderbolt. He tells me he’s traced the last pings from Rodney’s phone to a more narrowed area in the [inaudible 00:28:19] woods.

Wilke Poe:                              He also says he picked up an email signal from a laptop an hour after the ping, and it too ends up being in roughly the same spot.

Wilke Poe:                              I call Brian and Mary, and even though it’s nearly midnight, they insist we go straight away. We all meet at the edge of the woodland and walk to the spot.

Wilke Poe:                              Okay, so according to this, the last signals were in this five meter area.

Wilke Poe:                              We look around with our torches, just trees and foliage, nothing stands out. Sherlock scurries off into the lush terrain and we all start kicking the ground looking for something.

Brian:                                         There’s nothing here.

Mary:                                         Sherlock hasn’t got much either, though he did get a little bit horny back there.

Brian:                                         We’ve looked there.

Mary:                                         I know, I’m just saying.

Wilke Poe:                              Tensions are getting high, so we all sit down for a break. And as I look up, I see something.

Wilke Poe:                              Guys, up there in that tree, do you see it?

Wilke Poe:                              We all get up and move towards the tree. Brian runs ahead.

Brian:                                         It’s a backpack, it’s a fucking backpack.

Wilke Poe:                              Brian clambers up the tree as best he can and pulls down the backpack.

Brian:                                         I think it’s Rodney’s.

Wilke Poe:                              He opens it, and inside, well, you’re not gonna believe this, but inside is a laptop. Brian tries to turn it on.

Brian:                                         The battery’s dead.

Mary:                                         Is it Rodney’s?

Brian:                                         I don’t know. I think, yes. Oh my god, it is, it’s his stuff.

Wilke Poe:                              He’s alive. Give me the backpack.

Wilke Poe:                              As I hold the backpack, I start to get a headache and I see a vision of gray dust or sand maybe, and a pitch black sky. There’s a chair and Rodney’s sitting in it smiling, looking at a computer screen. He’s waving to me to come and join him. He’s showing me where to look on the laptop. And then the vision cuts out.

Wilke Poe:                              The clues are on the laptop. I think he’s okay.

Brian:                                         Are you sure?

Wilke Poe:                              Yeah. The vision was strong, really strong.

Brian:                                         How sure, Wilkie?

Wilke Poe:                              99 percent sure.

Brian:                                         Hell yeah.

Wilke Poe:                              Next time on Grover’s Mill:

Speaker 9:                               Well, this is to me one of the most exciting things I have heard. The recordings you gave me match the exact recordings of this person in other examples across all metrics. Therefore I can say with 99 percent confidence that the recordings you gave me do come from the person we think they do.

Speaker 10:                            Look, at the heart of this issue, guys, is that the government has lied to its people, alright? This is an ugly lie and it has ramifications across the board.

Speaker 11:                            I’m making these tapes for my own record and for the preservation of the truth. I will tell in as much detail as I can why I have come to make these tapes and why it’s important that the corresponding papers that go with them need to be made accessible and viewable by all.

Wilke Poe:                              Grover’s Mill is written and produced by Matt Cohen Gold, Garrett Dupes, and me, Wilkie Poe. Music and sound design is by Matt Slaydon. With special thanks to Rupert Degas and Amy Horn.

Wilke Poe:                              We’d also like to thank Megan Tate, Mark Gluehack, Barry Stewart, Marcus Bier, Steven Bootsatilt, Zanzen Pierre, and Anya Dolganava.

Wilke Poe:                              This has been a Grover’s Mill production, copyright 2018.

Wilke Poe:                              Grover’s Mill is a fictional podcast that is shared with you as a satire and parody. It depicts entirely fictitious situations that are products of the writers’ imaginations. The podcast references familiar places and events, and whilst we have also used some real life personalities, the characteristics, qualities, and actions that we’ve applied to those people are not intended to be real.

Wilke Poe:                              We also do not suggest any association with or sponsorship by any person or entity. All other names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons, living or deceased, places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred.

Wilke Poe:                              For further information on Grover’s Mill and its use in satire, parody, and fiction, please read the disclaimer on our website, groversmillpodcast.com.

PART 3 OF 3 ENDS [00:33:01]